When I was asked to guest review on Big Fashionista’s blog (www.bigfashionista.blogspot.com) to give a male perspective on any topic of my choice I was genuinely excited. I started to think about what I should write and it was at work when it hit me, literally.
My colleague and I were about to leave the office last Friday afternoon for lunch when she did a quick sugar ray shuffle to go back to her desk, and accidentally clobbered me with her handbag.
Ah Handbags, now where do I start? Bad as shoes? No I don’t think so. The male species loathing of shoes, particularly women shopping for shoes and dragging them along for the ride is an entirely different blog post altogether. For handbags though, it’s probably the one item guys can feel comfortable about and go shopping for even when left on their own. Now I like to think of myself as a ‘modern man’ and in touch with my feminine side, but if I was shopping for shoes, make up or lingerie for a lady, I can guarantee I would be checking into the priory before the day was out.
I know my guy mates feel the same too as they proved on a trip to LA this summer. Two of my friends went shopping in Rodeo Drive, Beverley Hills and headed straight to a Louis Vuitton boutique for their respective partners (albeit with strict instructions on what to buy). Within 10 minutes they were out the store with a gift wrapped handbag no problem.
I was recently told by a lady in the office about a survey in heat magazine that said the average man wastes a whole year of his life sitting on the lav. “That’s 52 weeks” she wailed as if that’s how long it had been since she got her leg over.
Personally I think 12 months is nothing compared with the time I really do waste in life, like the time I used to wait for my ex girlfriend to answer her phone. Normally it would ring for 48 hours before she found it at the bottom of her handbag, underneath a Boots receipt for something she bought back in 1997. I mean it would have been much quicker to write a letter instead. We broke up a couple of years ago, I did call and leave a voice message, no doubt she will probably pick it up in 2014.
I read once in the telegraph newspaper (yes the telegraph, how posh am I?) that women in the UK spend £350 million a year on handbags and that one particular £7,000 handbag has a year long waiting list. Imagine plonking that in the middle of the dance floor in Gatecrasher and dancing around it. Forget funky house and raving, the girls would all be doing the robot around the handbag so they didn’t accidently give it a kick with their Louis Louboutin or Christian Vuitton heels.
What’s more, the article also said on average women have up to 40 handbags each. 40? That’s just crazy, I don’t think I even have 40 items of clothing.
I wanted to know why women have so many handbags so I asked my admin assistant at work who reckons she has about 15. Now she informed me it has something to do with the seasons. Apparently she couldn’t use her favourite bag in the summer as its made out of some cow material and anyway it would look all wrong. So what should a summer bag or even an autumn bag be made out of I wonder? Dragonflies? Bikinis? Or maybe Conkers?
Jimi Choo once said if you have good shoes and a good bag, you will look right. Rubbish. Try telling that to Kerry Katona in her pink shell-suit with a fag hanging out of her mouth. There’s no handbag in the world that will mask the problem, unless she wears it over her head.
My sister told me that the contents of a woman’s bag are worth about a thousand pounds. I was intrigued, what possessions would she carry in a handbag that could possibly be worth a grand. Well, I know she carries an apple ipod with her everywhere, a blackberry she cannot live without, and a bag full of makeup that probably cost a hundred quid or so, but were still a bob or two short.
So I asked for a quick peak in the bag, and here’s how it broke down. Firstly, there were countless floors, layers, zips and pockets I had to navigate, it’s like you need to be a member of Mensa to work thru this maze.
As I got further into the bag I found a pair of glasses that she doesn’t need, tickets from 1992 to see Joseph & the techni-colour dream coat at the London Palladium starring Jason Donavon, German Drachma coins that I’m pretty sure you can’t use anymore and a key for a Ford Fiesta she sold in 2005. I didn’t dare go any further than this for fear of finding the bones of T-Rex or maybe a secret pocket being used by Al-Qaeda.
Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand the need for a handbag from the fashion argument to the handy practicality it provides on a daily basis. I just genuinely don’t understand the need to carry everything you’ve ever owned around with you at all times, so when you do need to answer your mobile, you need to find it with a shovel. I know it’s easy for me to say as when I go out, I just take my keys, phone, wallet, and a pack of Wrigleys extra for minty fresh breath.
I must stress before I get kidnapped to Guantanamo with a Gucci handbag over my head and be tortured into reading cosmo, this is purely a tongue in cheek view peeps. After all where would a gal be without her handbag? Pretty much the same place a guy would be without his man draw full of useless junk. So girls, what’s in your handbag?
Peace, love and happiness.
TanRockstar
TanRockstar 